i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I need moral support for this bender
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
