i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Someone shit on the floor
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
