You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
