Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
