you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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