problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
