Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
