I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
