He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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