sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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