Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i wish my penis had a tongue
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Randomize
