i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
