420 ftw
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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