I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
