dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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