I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
