also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
