I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize