Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
