Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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