Small penises have feelings too.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
