Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
