You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
