Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
