Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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