i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
