He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize