one two three fourrrrnication!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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