Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
