Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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