New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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