I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
