Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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