I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
