You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
