You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
