And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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