They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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