I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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