living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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