How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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