I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
