Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
