I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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