it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
