I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
