..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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