a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
