theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
