A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
