remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
