Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
