I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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