So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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