im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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