So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
