we have pet lesbian snakes
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
