I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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