Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize