i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You ruined the universe
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
