Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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