There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
