someone threw a dead crab at me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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