You can't special order awesome
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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