i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Two words: nipple clamps
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