we have pet lesbian snakes
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
