after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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