Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
