Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
