i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
