Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
