i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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