there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
