come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
