so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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