dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
