Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
