He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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