i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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